Resentment: a roadblock to happiness

Resentment is a common emotion that arises when we feel wronged or mistreated. It can be a powerful force influencing our decision-making skills, often negatively. Resentment can lead to feelings of anger, bitterness, and hostility, which can cloud our judgment and make it difficult to think clearly. Physically, resentments can cause our bodies to feel tense and increase our heart rate in anticipation of a "fight" or "flight" response.

The reason is that the part of the brain that processes emotions called the amygdala, is responsible for detecting and responding to threats. When we feel resentful, the amygdala sends a distress signal to communicate with the rest of the body through the nervous system, readying us for combat. The entire process takes seconds but has a lasting consequence.

It is essential to pay attention to feelings of resentment because they can have a significant influence on our decision-making skills, causing us to make impulsive decisions that we later regret. It can lead us to hold grudges, making it difficult for us to forgive others, let go and move on.

Recognizing what is happening in our bodies when we feel resentful helps us address those sensations by connecting our feelings to our behaviour. Building this skill enables us to solve our problems and face our challenges openly and clearly.

Here are some strategies that can help you master feeling less resentful:

Identify & Acknowledge: Recognize that you are resentful and that you have powerful emotions that are difficult to control.

Name Your Feeling: Express your feeling without explaining why you are having them.

The goal is to name your feelings without judgment, opinion or analysis.

Learn Forgiveness: Forgiveness can be an effective tool for over-coming resentment. The action you are practicing is to accept your circumstances, let go and move on.

Take Care of Yourself: Resentment can be emotionally and physically draining. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Anger can derail the process, so it may take a few attempts to work through your resentment.

Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness keeps you in the present moment and enables you to observe feelings of anger, hostility, and bitterness with frankness. This practice helps release your hold on fairness and clears a path for resolution.

Helpful Tips:

Mindfulness is not meditation. It is a method to draw your attention away from resentful thoughts taking control. When you find your mind wandering toward anger, guide it back to the open space of acceptance.

Acceptance does not mean surrendering your values. Acceptance is about being okay with the whole picture, and knowing there is nothing more to do. You are free to let go and move on.